You know you have the best sister in the world when conversations include sentences such as: “You do realize that if you shave your armpits before you die, I will NOT sneak your ashes into [name]‘s food.” “NOOOOO!!!! That’s not fair!”
Posts Tagged ‘Family’
Depilation Ultimatum
Posted in Daily Tidbits, tagged Death, Family, Food on August 13, 2010 | 2 Comments »
Lucifer’s Legumes
Posted in Daily Tidbits, tagged Family, Religion on January 20, 2010 | 2 Comments »
My mother has not yet figured out the subtle yet significant pronounciation difference between “seitan” (a meat-substitute made from wheat gluten) and “Satan” (the bad guy of the Abrahamic religions) Since I have an allergy to gluten, this leads to incidents like today’s: Malinda sits down to eat lunch, take-out courtesy of mother. (Phone rings) [...]
This just in:
Posted in Daily Tidbits, tagged Family on January 12, 2010 | 2 Comments »
I’m not sure which I appreciate more: The fact that, on their trip back from Las Vegas, my chap-lipped father has selfishly taken possession of my stepmother’s Clarins ‘HydraQuench’ Moisture Replenishing Lip Balm and refuses to give it back, or the fact that my stepmother left a message on my phone about this. (I suspect she may [...]
Two theories:
Posted in Bi-fortnightly Blogs, tagged Family, Politically Incorrect on October 6, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
1. In a household where all members are age 10+ (margin of error = +/- 2 years), the rate of cookie-disappearance is directly proportional the amount of cookies left. For households with members age 10- (margin of error = +/- 2 years) the inverse is true. 2. Due to societal stereotypes, Asian American rapists are more [...]
One reason I don’t get enough sleep at night:
Posted in Daily Tidbits, tagged Family on August 1, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Other people sleep in on Saturday mornings because Friday night’s party kept them up until hours during which only elementary school bus drivers and the elderly are regularly awake. I, however, am fatigued for a different reason: I share a room with my 17-year-old sister. Exhibit A: last night, my sister cast a different Harry [...]
Odd Little Gifts
Posted in Daily Tidbits, tagged Family on July 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
My mother’s beau, whom we shall hereafter fondly refer to as my sister and I refer to him: Lynwonder, likes to bring my sister and I little gifts. Odd little gifts. Two kinds of odd little gifts, to be exact. The other day I returned home, having been handed one of the two gifts Lynwonder [...]
Family Scene
Posted in Daily Tidbits, Sporchids, Verbatim, tagged Family, Love on July 7, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Setting: Modest kitchen, at dining table. Mid-afternoon. Characters: Ben (father), 50; Eileen (step-mother), 38; “Mindi” (daughter), 20 (Ben and Eileen have just calmed down from an argument, but tension still lingers. Eileen’s arms are crossed as she eyes Ben from across the table the three are seated at) Ben: You know, Mindi, Eileen and I [...]
Merino Wool and Thermal Equilibrium
Posted in Bi-fortnightly Blogs, tagged Family on July 4, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Over the years, my father has held unique convictions on a number of matters: “auctioning an item on three different online bid sites is perfectly couth” (provided you hire someone to “buy” the lower bid listings); “Doritos effectively regulate bowl movements;” and “Christians are never to be trusted,” for example. One of his more recent [...]
Dad joined Facebook
Posted in Daily Tidbits, tagged Family on June 2, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Status post upon my accepting his friend request: “If limited is better – it’s fine with me. Dads can be a bit…delicate?”
Lists
Posted in Bi-fortnightly Blogs, tagged Family, health on May 26, 2009 | 4 Comments »
Things I learned this weekend: 1. If a dyke with piercings and tats tries to force Valium on you, take it. It’s just easier that way; trust me. 2. Said dyke may bring post-Valium blankets. These are often warm. Let her tuck you in. 3. Bite marks in some places fade faster than bite marks [...]
